Before Ibogaine: A Life Ruined by depression and addiction

Before finding help, life was a complete and total train wreck. A severe cocaine addiction took over everything, burning through hundreds of dollars every single day. The drug completely took the steering wheel, pushing aside his family, his two children, and his livelihood.

“It was to the point where it was the number one priority every day. And as you can imagine, things start to fall away pretty quickly when you live like that. That aside, mentally and spiritually, I was just devastated.”

He knew he was killing himself, but the physical hook of the drug was too strong to break on his own. He tried the standard route in the United States over and over again. He completed a traditional inpatient rehab program, but it didn’t last. He did three months of intensive outpatient rehab, and then tried online rehab programs. None of it stopped the cravings.

By the time he hit rock bottom, the destruction was everywhere. He had to sell his business just to stay afloat—something he had never planned to do—and he nearly lost his house. Most painful of all, the addiction drove a deep wedge between him and his children.

“I had relationships to repair with my children. Because when you make doing cocaine your job, people get real mad at you… It took me a long time to screw up my life this bad. So it’s going to take a little bit to fix it.”

Knowing he was completely out of options, he gathered what money he had left from selling his business and went to Mexico to find ibogaine.

During Ibogaine: From a Dark Cave to Open Light

He originally booked a different clinic in Cozumel, but quickly realized the staff had only been open a year and lacked proper protocols. Trusting his gut, he made a last-minute transfer to a seasoned medical facility run by David in Playa del Carmen. The difference was immediate. From the moment he landed at the airport, he was surrounded by warmth, professional medical care, and zero judgment.

His treatment was split into two sessions. The first dose was a grueling, intense twelve-hour journey, but it wasn’t the typical replay of childhood memories.

“It was like I was in a cave for like 12 hours. It never changed and it was very like brown and rusty colored and black… In each hole, there was real images playing, but each hole had the same thing playing over and over again. It would be like a handsome man’s face, and then it would turn into a baby, and then into a skeleton, and then to dust and roll away.”

While the vision was bizarre and mysterious, he felt no terror. A nurse remained at his bedside the entire time, guiding him whenever he needed to get up. When the first session ended, he felt physically different—and the constant, deafening roar in his mind had gone silent.

“One thing though after that first dose that I noticed is like my urge to do cocaine was almost non-existent… I was on a roller coaster I couldn’t get off of prior to. I just couldn’t get my brain to stop thinking about it. And I could tell the difference after that first treatment.”

A couple of days later, he took his second dose. This experience was the complete opposite. Instead of staying awake, he drifted off into a deep, peaceful sleep, processing the medicine entirely in a dream state.

“The whole entire ibogaine treatment happened in my dream state… There was light. No more caves. It was very light, it was very airy, there was lots of colors… It was a feeling, and it was a relief.”

Looking Ahead: Doing the Real Work at Home

Waking up from the treatment, the brutal physical hook of cocaine was finally broken. The overwhelming physical need that once ruled every waking second was roughly 80% gone.

“When I wake up, it used to be the first thing: ‘Do I have any? How am I going to get more?’ I don’t have any of that… It feels like if I wanted to, it’s a choice. Not my body craving it. It’s my brain that still sometimes craves it, which is easier. I can switch my brain, but switching my actual physical need—that’s gone.”

Returning home meant facing reality head-on. The medicine silenced the physical withdrawals, but it didn’t magically clean up the wreckage he left behind. Rebuilding his finances, repairing the trust with his kids, cutting ties with old drug acquaintances, and creating healthy daily routines takes time and dedication. Because he had transferred clinics on short notice, he realized he should have set up a stronger aftercare network before flying home—a vital step he warns everyone not to overlook.

“The real work begins when you get home… It’s hard, like I said, to clean up all the messes, but it’s not anywhere as difficult as it was before I came.”

For anyone standing on the edge, terrified of traveling to another country or trying an alternative plant medicine, his message is blunt: the clinic isn’t the scary part—your current life is.

“It is not anywhere as scary as where your life’s going to end up if you don’t. Your life’s going to get scarier than you can ever imagine. Don’t be scared… If you’re brave enough to wake up every day and keep continuing your addiction, which is exhausting, or if you have trauma and you’re miserable—are you scared to be miserable the rest of your life?”

He credits the medicine and the care team with handing him his life back. For him, the answer is simple: if you have the chance to get help, stop hesitating and make the move.

“If you can do it, just do it. Get in a car, get on a plane, get on a train, whatever you got to do… People don’t have to live like that. You don’t have to live that way.”