Before Ibogaine
The cycle had taken years, compounding regret and stolen time. Life was tangled up in substances and chaos: “It was like crack, coke, meth.”
The heaviest toll wasn’t just physical—it was measured in the relationships slipping away. “I don’t even think they’ve ever seen me sober,” he admitted. Prison had already cost him irreplaceable years with his family: “I know my son especially because I got into trouble when I was younger and I lost 4 years of his life cuz I was in jail.”
Beyond the addiction, an internal storm ran constantly in the background. “I had depression going on,” alongside the exhausting compulsion to carry baggage that wasn’t his: “Usually, for some reason, I always had 10 other people’s things on my mind that I felt like I had to deal with.” The pull of old habits was physical, felt right in the gut—“when you’re around something then you just get that feeling in the stomach that you need to use something.”
Eventually, the realization set in that survival required a radical step: he had to “go do what I had to do,” driven by a single clear purpose: “They’re going to be happy to have their dad back.”
During the Experience
Arriving at the clinic, the fear of cold clinical walls dissolved immediately. “I thought it was very nice. Appreciate it. Seemed like home. Oh, so comfortable.”
The environment gave him the safety to let his guard down. The staff struck the balance he needed: “If you wanted space, you’d get space. If you didn’t, they’d be there. Very comforting.” Unlike past experiences of confinement, there was no feeling of being trapped: “It’s not like you’re just stuck into your room or anything. It’s like you got freedom to roam and start breathing.”
When the medicine took hold, the experience turned inward, quiet and profound: “Personally magical. It was perfect when I felt like I was right inside my head and seemed to have got everything I needed out of it.”
It became the sanctuary he had been searching for: “Oh, it’s beautiful. It’s perfect. It’s calming. It’s just, yeah, it’s where a person wants to find themselves again.”
After Ibogaine
Stepping back out into the world, the shift was instant and total. “You’re a new person almost when you come out, right? So it’s like seeing everything again.”
Compulsions that had dominated his entire life simply vanished. “I haven’t gambled in 5 days. Haven’t even bit my nails and I haven’t bite my nails since I was a kid.” The deep, physical ache to use was gone: “I don’t get that. I don’t have it.”
Mentally, the fog and weight disappeared: “Oh 100 times better. 100 times… I feel good. Like I wake up every day feeling happy.” The boundary lines were finally drawn clearly: “It’s not my problem. My brain’s my problem. Not their stuff.”
For anyone on the fence, paralyzed by cost or fear, his message is raw and direct: “Get your ass down here for real. Sell whatever’s worth that much money. You’ll have it back in a couple months at the end of the day… Cuz if you’re thinking that the piece of property is enough to hang on to instead of your life, then you’re silly. Get rid of that. Go find yourself.”
The old life is already being packed away. “I want to get the hell out of the town I live in. That place has been no good to me… literally redid my whole house before I came here. So, it’s pretty much ready for sale.”
The road ahead is clear: “No, I know where I want to go. I got a direction.”
